A little perspective from the wrong side of the mirror

The irony of the title of today's post goes far deeper than those without an ED can understand.

Have you ever woken up and decided that today you are beautiful? Opened your eyes, saw a ray of sunlight that felt warm somewhere in the range of your right thigh and decided "it will be a wonderful day"? But then, something small happens and the day goes seemingly backward. The mirror.

In treatment we are told to get rid of scales. "They will do you no good and hinder your recovery". But mirrors are everywhere. On widow panes and subway doors. On TV reflections and in your bathroom. They can be very haunting. Like an annoying friend in kindergarten who just doesn't get that you do NOT want to be their friend - they are everywhere!

I have woken up many days and thought that it was going to be a beautiful one. And then the mirror strikes back and I find myself digging for some kind of alternative reality. I beg my friends to tell me I am pretty. Not just pretty. No no. Beautiful? sexy? stunning? attractive? better looking than ____? I find myself cornering the men in my life to validate me. To make me feel good.

From where I stand at the mirror I do not see a pretty face or a nice body or a good pair of legs or a rack most girls would pay good money for. Nope. I see sad eyes and a heart with too much love to give and no one to give it to.. A friend said to me "ya as long as u are in control of that sailboat and u can steer over those waves urself, ur good to go".. But in myself I see a self conscious girl with no clue where to go in life and no real co-captian to help steer - and this makes me feel lost.

Maybe I just need to get to the other side of the mirror? Perhaps there is some perspective on that side that I might agree with...