I didn't know how to be careful

A not so simple meal. An extravagant birthday celebration sheilding the night from being what it was - ur first date! He was my friend since brith - literally! Our moms were pregnant together and shared a labour day - I was just stubborn and turned up two days later!

He picked me up - but we always agree to meet up. "Wear something nice" he had said. "Heels too". Dinner was a dream. I was eating and not obsessing about the food. I was enjoying his company - living in the moment for the first time in ages!

He already had my heart and I had his too. It was as if our hearts came on the same platter as the procuiuto and duck's heart. He wouldn't go near the duck hear, but mine was in his hands already.

He drove me home - but he always drops me at the subway. "What a great night" he had said.     Silence.     I didn't know how to be careful with my heart. I rarely ever tell my heart what to do. Just a stupid girl.

We kiss. 24 years and 11/12ths of waiting wrapped up in one moment. He reaches for me - no for my hand. He isn't a vulture. He is my best friend 0 and we are kissing! "careful...""shut up brain!"

But the time isn't right. I'm too screwed up. Damn heart! Knows what it wants but just can't have it. I fight the reality- it sucks that we don't kiss anymore. He is still holding it though - my heart. Because I didn't really know how to be careful with it.   Stupid Girl.