An Open Letter To The Person Who Needs to Hear This...

This is not meant to bring you back into my life. I wouldn't want that. We couldn't have that. too much has been said. Too much has been done. Too much time has passed and nothing really changes for real... does it?

There was a time that you were everything to me and more. As with everything that has ever mattered to me in my life, you became the white in the sea of black. My world did not matter unless you were in it. Holding my hand. Holding me up. I never knew why it was like that. Why it was imperative for you to be there. Why you had to bring the happiness for me. Why I couldn't just go and look for it myself.

Maybe it didn't exist, my happiness. Or maybe it was lost in the abyss that was my life then. Or maybe I threw it up one sad afternoon. But something in me knew that I couldn't find it. And for whatever reason, I believed you had some magical key. The key that would unlock a permanent smile. A better day. An easier life.

But you didn't have the key. In fact, you didn't have any key at all. You had just you. And I didn't think that was enough at the time. I NEEDED you to have that key! Because I was too lost in my darkness to find it and it always seemed that you were a bright enough light that you could help me search.

Today I realize that I will be forced to wander through the darkness of my life for eternity searching for the key to my happiness. And I see clearly that it was never really your job at all. So I am sorry that I passed the buck to you. That I made it your job. That my life was in your hands.

That's a weight no one should have to carry.