starving for attention

PREAMBLE: we were told to look at the titles of the books in the library and then write our own story based on the title...

One of five. Four brothers. Sandwiched by two older and two younger - I was not born prepared to battle middle child syndrome. It was just "us", but as time went by, more voices came into my world. Suddenly I was yelling over the noise. Video games, sports, music that just never appealed to me.
I was sad. Had divorced a father and shifted the actor as the man who played the lead roll of 'Daddy' in "Daddy's Little Girl". I was no longer the oldest and wisest child. I became loud and boisterous. A conversation starter. A liar.
I wanted to be heard over the noise, but everyone had their own troubles adjusting to becoming one of five and no one really got heard.
As I got older, my voice got louder; more yelling, more tears. Less listening though. No one seemed tuned in. I quickly realized the power of restriction. "She eats like a bird!" "Is that all you want?" "Finish it and you can have what you'd like - whatever you'd like."
FINALLY - A Voice! A way to show everyone that I was there too! That we all need special attention. Each and everyone one (of five).
The less I ate, the more attention I got. As the years past it too became part of the wall of sound of five. When I felt lost and lonely, it was that same voice that brought them back and reminded them that at least this one of five needed to be heard.
Today, starving for attention fails me because there is judgment that I am not working hard enough. But forever in my heart, I will remember that for most of my life to date, the best way to be heard was to starve for the attention.